Hidden Treasure Comments - Zoe & Tim

The Story jumped from suicide to the Piggy Bank.  You need a transition here even if it is just a CU of the Piggy Bank or the Bank Book.  From the XWS of BU you need an MS or CU of the school logo on the side of the building before you go to the map.  The viewer may not be as familiar with BU as you are.  Need to see the bug spray coming out of the bag.  Nice transition using the mosquito to get your main character to the pool.  I don't understand "the water in the pool brusts."  If the water went out then why does he still have his scuba gear on?  Need to have a visual way to get from the discovery of the treasure spot to the use of the "gimlet."  There are some funny ways that you can do this that will fit well with the mood and humour of this piece.  It is good for the storyboard to show the variety of shots you will include while he is jackhammering the bottom of the pool.  What I don't know is what happened to the guard.  AAAAAAhhhhhhhh, it just ends...what happens, does he get the money?  does he get the op?  does he find happiness?  Don't leave us hanging, tell us what happens.